At the breastfeeding crossroad

No one ever mentioned how difficult this is going to be. For the past 6 weeks, I have been trying to breastfeed exclusively without supplementing and hoping that supply will eventually meet demand, even that meaning having cat naps and very brief intermittent sleep at night (at times an hour of sleep followed by an hour or two of breastfeeding, burping and coaxing the little man to sleep). The ultimatum came when my boy experienced hours of frustration in the evenings, often latching and unlatching at Mama's boobies, arching his body and showing signs of discomfort. And for the whole time, usually ranging from 3-4 hours, Mama will be having him at her boobies for sessions of what I have jokingly called the Feeding Marathon. At my 6 week check up, the doctor suggested that the boy might be starving (even though he's gaining weight and is at a whopping 5.5kg, l obviously have a big eater under my roof). And so, she suggested supplementing for Mama to get some good rest cos the stress and tiredness is showing in the declining supply. I came home that day feeling lost and a little blue. I havent been an extreme big fan of breastfeeding, but was nonetheless guilt stricken when looking at little man's face while breastfeeding thinking to myself how soon this is going to end and how much I actually hated getting strapped to the sofa half of the time. He is obviously enjoying the comfort, not just the food and Mama is getting frustrated and tired by the frequency although looking down into Utt's eyes when he is happily drinking it up is priceless.

So we came home and supplemented 2 feeds with FM, hoping that the boy will be happier with a satisfied stomach. I am not sure if it is going to make any difference for me now since giving FM involves work which P has happily taken on, ie preparing the bottle, cleaning and sterilising them but the feeding has been a struggle and requires quite a bit of coaxing.

I am not denying it that I am very drained. In fact my life has not been tougher than this. Now, I am looking forward to walking down the park with little man, taking him on trips, having ice cream, going for swims, etc. I am sure this day will come soon enough. I just have to hang in there

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Utt coming 6 weeks old

This is taken this morning, a day before Utt turns 6 weeks old. As the little man continues to gain weight, Papa tried to help relief stress off my wrist with a self made sling using bedsheet cover. Epic failure as Utt can barely fit into it.

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Post confinement relief

I think confinement after delivery is total crap. I realized today, my first unconfined day post delivery that confinement is probably the culprit for post natal blues. Being trapped at home is probably the worst way to begin motherhood and I cannot understand the logic behind this Chinese practice. Anyway, I am glad to have survived the past month! Today, we finally went shopping with Utt in my arms and had my first sashimi feast in 10 months with little man sat beside us in a stroller.

True motherhood has begun!

4 weeks of being a Mama

Sometimes you get so overwhelmed by the new responsibilities. Today, I stopped and looked at Utt and realized that despite the great changes in our lives since his arrival, he has slowly bought me over.

I can't wait for him to grow and then play, enjoy the sun and go on outings with us.