When yr ex comes back in your nightmares

Met a friend's friend yesterday who is on a solo backpacking trip around Asia. He has been on this searching-for-the-meaning-of-my-life trip for 10 months now. His separation from his wife got him started on this trip. They dated for 10 years and were married for 1.5 years before calling it quits. Sitting right next to him was our friend, a Thai. He is in the exact same predicament. 10 years dating, 2 years married and then separation. Actually, I could have been in their boat.

At times when events trigger my memory-search function, I try to recall happy memories that I used to share with HY. It is not easy. Hard not because it is painful, hard because there are really not much. And I feel sorry for myself that I have been through that 7.5 years of my life without having much happy memories to reminise on. And you wonder how bad it is? Till this very day, I still have vivid nightmares. Once in a while, I go to sleep dreaming that I am going to marry him/ actually married to him. And in my dreams, I am always feeling horribly depressed. Every time I will try to run away, telling him that I already have somebody else. And when I finally get up, I will heave a mega big sigh of relief to find P by my side.

It is this bad.