To #2

On some days it felt like everything has normalised and the hectic schedule in the past week has made things gotten a bit better. The occasional quiet moments remain torturous and when the mind stops being occupied by work, by the toddler who is becoming more irresistible each and every day and by everything going in life, the feeling of loss is overwhelming. So to my #2 who eventually decided not to come to us: I would have tried everything I could, if I had the chance to. Just want to let you know that Papa and Mama had been very excited by the thought of you joining our small cosy family and you little baby, you will be missed.

When the man takes charge

Today is the first day Papa is trying his hands in putting Mini to sleep all by himself, meaning bathing then feeding and singing the Mini lullabies before putting him down into his cot and sneaking out of his room.

And Papa did it!

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@ 38 weeks and 3 days: I thought he would be here

@ 38 weeks and 2 days

 

 

Went to the gynae (who was all ready to get me induced) this morning. Spoke to her and tell her that Mama's preferred  opt is to still let Utt arrive naturally (after a week, I don't find any good reason to get him induced). Doc welcomed my opt but went on to say that "Baby's ready, he can wait till Mama is". Oh well.

Doc would be out of town from 12th and we have come to the decision that we'll wait till 10th for Utt to arrive naturally, after which induction will happen so that my gynae who I have been seeing for the past 7-8 months, will be carrying out the delivery and post-natal care. That is more like it, at least I see a need for induction to be done. 

And now, the waiting game continues. Gonggong is here and so is Popo, but stay in there till as long as you please (for now)! See you soon Utt! Very soon... very soon.

@ 37 weeks 4 days and 6 days from induction!!!

Gynae visit today narrows the wait to a week. She measured me at 1-cm dilation and effaced enough to be scheduled for an induction ("we can even have it today, if you want it!" she said)

Here you can see how much the bump has grown over the past week

 

 

The gynae was sure that Utt will arrive in a week's time (any time in the next few days if we are lucky) and has scheduled me in to be induced on the 3rd, if Utt hasn't come naturally by then. I was too overwhelmed to ask why is there a need for induction, as I would have very much prefered him to arrive as and when he pleases (plus, amniotic fluid is still at a good level and he is not overdue even by next Monday) but the queries came flooding only after I left the hospital.

 

Braxton hicks coming more frequently this morning, and damn, I am feeling so clueless now. How different exactly is braxton hicks from contractions? I am having the tight feeling at my lower tummy very frequently this morning but I am definitely not aching. If this is the signal of contraction, I am too fortunate.

To the bun in the oven: See you when you are ready

This morning, 2 colleagues, one after another, walked past my office then turned around and popped their heads in: "No baby yet?"

No, I laughed. I wish I know when exactly he'll be here with us. At 37 weeks pregnant, Utt is now considered full term (even though the due date is three weeks away). If I go into labor anytime now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. As the pregnancy draws closer to the end, Mama-to-be gets more anxious to know how much longer the pregnancy will last. A week? Two? Three? Or even four? I've read about how 40 weeks is the average and supposedly when the baby is most ready to be introduced into the world. But seriously, the wait is killing me. Right now, "waiting" is one key word that just about sums up my life. Waiting for Utt's arrival and holding him in my arms, waiting for the bump to disappear, waiting for the long awaited maternity leave to begin, waiting for the sharp pains, mild contractions, etc. to be gone, waiting for the real contractions to arrive to get my endurance tested. But the wait is also filled with contradictory feelings of fear (as I have mentioned umpteen times before). And also fear that Utt's physically not prepared. This is perhaps the strangest part of being pregnant.

Dear Utt,

Although Mama is anxious to see you in person, Mama still wishes the best for you. On some days, Mama gets worried that if you arrive too early, you may not be ready for what awaits you out here. So little man, we'll meet when you are ready. See you when you feel that Mama's uterus is not enough for you anymore and you would like to take a peek at the real world. Mama cannot promise you that the real world is filled with fun, but your world with us will at least be filled with love. We will try our very best to make sure that you have love in abundance.

Till then,

Mama
 

Utt's nursery all ready!

Utt's play gym for motor development

Adult rest corner, for soul calming moments amidst the anticipated mayhem

Changing table with posters from his folks

Utt's cot, which he hopefully uses and does not opt for co-sleeping. Waiting for the arrival of Ewan from Singapore to complete his cot (which hopefully will give him enough comfort)

With mobile from Etsy

Close-up of the mobile, which P thought was a rip-off. I personally love it so much! It doesn't look cheesy like the other baby mobile. Its lightness allow it to rotate slowly with slight air movement, and it's very captivating to watch.

Buddy is also waiting!

 

My anxious folks are arriving next Friday and hopefully, things will be easier with 2 extra pairs of helping hands. It is always good to have them here for support, no doubt about it. And this time, it's going to be one whole month, the longest time I have spent with them so far in the past 5 years.

It's going to be an amazing journey. 

@ 36 weeks and 3 days

26 days to EDD and 5 more days to full term!!!

We were at the doc's this morning for my regular pre-natal check-up. My doc wasn't able to accurately estimate the weight of Utt as he's dropping and settling deeper into the pelvis (which she said is a good sign). The inaccurate estimation is that Utt is probably around 2.6 kg, a good size for natural birth. Doc was pretty sure that Utt will not be a ginormous baby and she gauged from my physical condition that I should not have too big a problem opting for natural birth. Papa-to-be asked me at the waiting room today if I am nervous about the arrival of Utt. I guess we both are, and I know Papa-to-be is also wondering (just like me) how different life would be for him with the arrival of the little man.

Well, things are looking good!

Pregnancy symptoms and complaints

The following is an abstract from Parents Magazine

VAGINAL PAIN

  

This may be your cervix dilating as your body prepares for labor. Find out what causes vaginal pain at the end of pregnancy and how to feel better.

   

What you may be experiencing: Late in pregnancy, you may feel pain inside the vagina- usually a sharp, piercing pain that comes and goes suddenly. What you're feeling, most likely, is your cervix dilating, or opening, as it prepares for the passage of your baby. Dilation can take place several weeks or just hours before labor begins. Normally, it's not cause for concern, but you should tell your healthcare provider about it. If the pain occurs in your lower abdomen, call your practitioner immediately.

What helps: Try relaxing in a warm shower or bath. And remember that the pain is a signal that your baby is well on its way!

-----

I had them last night. Not once or  twice, but a couple of times and it kept me up way past my bed time. Seems like the body is getting ready for the arrival of the little man. The doc's appointment next Monday may tell more about how long the wait is (also bearing in mind that the gynae can only be 50% accurate. Or maybe 30%? 20%? 10%?).

This is probably the most exciting/terrifying stage of my life. The mixture of emotions is so complex it is really beyond words can describe.

  

And so, the long wait begins.

@ 35 weeks and 4 days

Saturday marked day 1 of week 35, signalling that Utt would be reaching full term in 12 days and could be with us any minute in 12 days.

12 days. That is less than 2 weeks. OMG.

As the big day draws close, and my body gets all tense up and ready, I recall my pregnancy journey which has been till today, been incredible and amazing. I guess I have been a dignified pregnant Mama, trying to be prepared while still carrying out my daily routine and not be perceived as a partial handicap who needs help in everything (but please rest assured that I have not been silly enough to push beyond my limits). Sometimes, P calls me the most hardworking pregnant woman. I do not see how the bump should stop me from doing some chores in the house, garden, etc. which help to keep me occupied and moving. I am seriously scared out of my wits about not being able to shed my pregnancy weight gain. And so I guess keeping my body moving all the time helps to lessen the guilt about the extra pound gained. At least I have tried. And I hope it works. I am equally fearful about the actual day, about everything that's going to happen before contractions start, during contractions and in the birth room. But then again, if motherhood is the main dish, pregnancy is just the appetiser. There would be more to worry about when little Utt arrives.

Well, we'll see... we'll see.

Our message to the small chap, inspiration from Etsy:

The Mama today:

@ 34 weeks and 5 days

Emotional prep for Mama-to-be

Had my check-up yesterday and saw that Utt is now weighing 2.14kg. He's at this moment engaged and dropping (because babies do flip and get disengaged closer to due date, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he's staying still and not getting into a breeched position that will make natural birth difficult or entirely rule out the possibility of natural birth). Every now and then, I'll get the weird tingling feeling. It's like, it can be any moment. I mean, seriously, it can be any moment (although he is still strictly speaking pre-term. But god knows). We are 39 days away from the EDD and he might be here as soon as 25 August if he decides to meet Papa and Mama once he reaches full term at 37 weeks.

OMG. This is getting surreal, and I am not even getting to the delivery process yet.

Just this morning, my Swede colleague told me that his wife Ida (who gave birth last year to a cute chubby boy here in Chiang Mai) went through birth 100% natural. That means no painkillers or epidural was involved. Absolutely NOTHING. This is like being given a big pat on the shoulder and hearing: "I'm sure you can get through this". I'm pretty sure that my threshold for pain is pretty high, but I can't be really sure if I'll be throwing in the towel because I've known ladies who took a last minute U-turn for a C-section. 

Oh well, I try to sing Que Sara Sara whenever I think of the forthcoming arrival of Utt while I feel my palms sweat a little. Papa and Mama are getting all ready now, with the nursery at it's 100% possibly tomorrow and the last batch of clothes in the washing machine tonight. Mama also started buying some toys for Utt and will be receiving this in 2-3 days time. Plan Toys are made from natural rubberwood that hasn’t been fertilized for three years before the wood is harvested and are assembled using a certified E-zero glue and are colored with water-based, non-toxic dyes. I love how simple they look and is very annoyed not to be able to find them in Chiang Mai, especially so when I am quite sure that the wood harvested is from this part of Thailand. Mama has also made her second purchase from Etsy this afternoon: a set of nice burp cloth for both the baby *ahem* and his mum.

With my finds from Etsy, I am hoping that Mama won't be looking too Mama-ish with an ugly diaper cloth across her shoulder while taking care of a burpy baby.
I hope from now till Utt's arrival, I'll be kept busy with the preparations to not have the time to sit down and think of the birth process and then getting frightened by the unknown.

It will soon be over... It will soon be over... It will soon be over...

@ 33 weeks and 4 days

When the front view doesn't tell alot anymore, I thought having more side view shots would correctly capture the growth of the bump. Then of course, there are differing comments to the growth: some commented it's too small as Mama is into my 34 week, some said it's normal while others saw me and then went (very insensitively): "Look at how much weight you have put on. You are so (I quote) FAT!"

Gosh.

On a separate note, Mama is happy to be told that MM and CH bought their air tickets to Chiang Mai and would be spending their Christmas here with us! There are so much to look forward to in the next couple of months!

@ 32 weeks and 3 days

Officially into my 8th month, the gynae now wants to increase the frequency of my visits and meet once every 2 weeks instead. As accurately as the gynae can tell (given Utt's not-so-ideal position for measurement), the baby boy weighs 1.8 kg and is starting to put quite a bit of pressure on Mama's pelvis. Everything has been so good so far, except for that Mama is walking slower these days (and consciously avoiding the penguin walk), having shortness of breath and taking smaller bites at meal times (regurgitation seems to be an issue if I feed myself to the brim). 

It's 54 more days before the big day!

@ 31 weeks and 5 days

Beginning last Wednesday, I have started utilising the remainder of my vacation leave (18 days left in total!) and will be taking off from work every mid-week. And so, I found the time for more rest, getting up at 9am and going for my now bi-weekly swim, having my weekly foot massage, cooking up something nice for the 2 of us (yesterday was roast duck leg with apple sauce and grill lemon salmon, and P gave multiple thumb-ups for my apple sauce all cooked from scratch with granny smith apple). Taking life at such a leisure pace wouldn't be lasting for long (exactly 58 more days before Utt's arrival basing on 15 September 2012 as current EDD) and I am very glad that I am able to enjoy the last stage of my pregnancy with as little on my mind as possible.

We have been getting all prep up every since before getting back from Sg: Buying all the essentials, i.e. crib, stroller, infant car-seat, baby wear and right down to baby laundry liquid, toiletries, the ideal bathtub, wet towels, diapers etc. It's a lot of preparation to do welcoming a new life, but nothing beats the emotional prep that I am not sure if either of us are ready yet. What I do know is as far as parenting is concerned, we are theoretically on the same page (but I sometimes wonder if we will apply the theories in practice once Utt arrives, i.e. not becoming submissive parents who give in to screams/wails).

As the frequency of kicks increase and the strength of kicks get stronger, the anxiety level follows suit. It may sound a bit crazy to say this after 5 years in Thailand, but it's only now that I truly feel that my family life is beginning in a place that I have to learn call home.

@ 31 weeks

Is she fat, or what? + Utt's nursery 50% done up

With Utt getting close to 8 months, Buddy can hardly come on my lap anymore. He has to settle for lying on the carpet close to me, and placing his head on my lap for some head patting moments.

I sometimes wonder if Buddy is puzzled about what is happening to this monkey friend of his. Deep down inside, he may be lamenting how unfair life is as the monkey feeds herself so much that her tummy is growing at an unstoppable rate.

Getting Utt's room prep for his arrival. Still many things undone: his mobile is arriving in a week, linens and his clothes are unwashed, cover for his changing mat is not sewn (but I guess we still have plenty of time for these!)

 
.... and everyone's waiting!

@ 30 weeks and 1 day

@ 29 weeks and 4 days

Things to remember as a Mama #1

Think of parenting not as growing the person you want, but as a process of helping your child discover how to make his or her unique abilities and preferences fit well with the rest of the world

- abstract from "Welcome to your child's brain"

@ 28 weeks and 5 days

80 more days before full term