At the breastfeeding crossroad

No one ever mentioned how difficult this is going to be. For the past 6 weeks, I have been trying to breastfeed exclusively without supplementing and hoping that supply will eventually meet demand, even that meaning having cat naps and very brief intermittent sleep at night (at times an hour of sleep followed by an hour or two of breastfeeding, burping and coaxing the little man to sleep). The ultimatum came when my boy experienced hours of frustration in the evenings, often latching and unlatching at Mama's boobies, arching his body and showing signs of discomfort. And for the whole time, usually ranging from 3-4 hours, Mama will be having him at her boobies for sessions of what I have jokingly called the Feeding Marathon. At my 6 week check up, the doctor suggested that the boy might be starving (even though he's gaining weight and is at a whopping 5.5kg, l obviously have a big eater under my roof). And so, she suggested supplementing for Mama to get some good rest cos the stress and tiredness is showing in the declining supply. I came home that day feeling lost and a little blue. I havent been an extreme big fan of breastfeeding, but was nonetheless guilt stricken when looking at little man's face while breastfeeding thinking to myself how soon this is going to end and how much I actually hated getting strapped to the sofa half of the time. He is obviously enjoying the comfort, not just the food and Mama is getting frustrated and tired by the frequency although looking down into Utt's eyes when he is happily drinking it up is priceless.

So we came home and supplemented 2 feeds with FM, hoping that the boy will be happier with a satisfied stomach. I am not sure if it is going to make any difference for me now since giving FM involves work which P has happily taken on, ie preparing the bottle, cleaning and sterilising them but the feeding has been a struggle and requires quite a bit of coaxing.

I am not denying it that I am very drained. In fact my life has not been tougher than this. Now, I am looking forward to walking down the park with little man, taking him on trips, having ice cream, going for swims, etc. I am sure this day will come soon enough. I just have to hang in there

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Utt coming 6 weeks old

This is taken this morning, a day before Utt turns 6 weeks old. As the little man continues to gain weight, Papa tried to help relief stress off my wrist with a self made sling using bedsheet cover. Epic failure as Utt can barely fit into it.

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Post confinement relief

I think confinement after delivery is total crap. I realized today, my first unconfined day post delivery that confinement is probably the culprit for post natal blues. Being trapped at home is probably the worst way to begin motherhood and I cannot understand the logic behind this Chinese practice. Anyway, I am glad to have survived the past month! Today, we finally went shopping with Utt in my arms and had my first sashimi feast in 10 months with little man sat beside us in a stroller.

True motherhood has begun!

4 weeks of being a Mama

Sometimes you get so overwhelmed by the new responsibilities. Today, I stopped and looked at Utt and realized that despite the great changes in our lives since his arrival, he has slowly bought me over.

I can't wait for him to grow and then play, enjoy the sun and go on outings with us.

Utt at almost 3 weeks old

Since morning, little man seems to be having buffet brekkie and brunch from Mama's boobies. Finally at 11.30, he is starting to drift off to Lala land, then got up 15 minutes later asking for more. This sequence went on till 2pm, when finally little man dozed off.

Here is a picture of Utt still in the comfort of Mama's boobies, half asleep and after asking for more.

 

Looking after little man has been an amazingly tiring and tedious journey so far. It has been a round the clock routine of diaper change, breastfeeding, milking myself, etc. I am not going to pretend to love this part of motherhood because I doubt anyone sane enough will and I hope aloud that the clock will tick faster each day and things will be easier as little man gets more predictable.

The birth story (the fear of pain and the pain itself) does seem incredibly unworthy of special mention when compared to true motherhood.

@ 38 weeks and 3 days: I thought he would be here

@ 38 weeks and 2 days

 

 

Went to the gynae (who was all ready to get me induced) this morning. Spoke to her and tell her that Mama's preferred  opt is to still let Utt arrive naturally (after a week, I don't find any good reason to get him induced). Doc welcomed my opt but went on to say that "Baby's ready, he can wait till Mama is". Oh well.

Doc would be out of town from 12th and we have come to the decision that we'll wait till 10th for Utt to arrive naturally, after which induction will happen so that my gynae who I have been seeing for the past 7-8 months, will be carrying out the delivery and post-natal care. That is more like it, at least I see a need for induction to be done. 

And now, the waiting game continues. Gonggong is here and so is Popo, but stay in there till as long as you please (for now)! See you soon Utt! Very soon... very soon.

Start of hiatus from work

Today marks Day 1 of "vacation", unofficial start of my 6-month maternity leave which is supposed to begin on the 17th of September, but taking into account that I have 10 days of unused vacation leave for the year, my leave of absence from work will be starting today (sooner than planned!). Next time I'll be returning to work will be mid March. This might not be a point for celebration at all since I am really not sure if I have enough sanity to be a full time stay at home mum for 6 months, or perhaps my motherly instinct will kick in and I will be so madly in love with motherhood that I will eventually not want to return to work.

Whatever that comes, I hope everyone in the family will be enjoying the change.

Off for my last pedi and mani before arrival of the little man!