Oh no not again

The boy and his Sofie at 10 weeks and 1 day. Regression last night as the little man started getting up at 10.30pm then 12am, 2am, 5am and then wide awake at 6.10am! My nights are full of surprises!

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The boy is growing!

2 nights ago our boy made it to 1am before waking up for his first night feed. It was the longest sleep he had (he usually head to lala land before 8pm) and we were amazed as this took place at the 8-week mark, a day before he turned 2-month. Yesterday it was 12.30am, and still it was a very remarkable improvement from before. With the nanny here in the day, Mama has managed to squeeze in ample of rest in the day time (2 1-hour naps), run some errands and have lunch with P that does not require gobbling of food.

Things are getting better, and Utt is growing fast. Today, he napped without being swaddled for hours and it seemed like his startle reflex is going away.

Suddenly I feel that everyone else is right when they say that the little ones do grow fast!

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Insane and then sane again

After (barely) surviving 3 weeks without any help since my folks left, the nanny came to our rescue on Monday like a godsend. It was the toughest 3 weeks of my life, handling Utt alone (almost). P was here to help but frankly there is not much he could do. But I have to give him lotsa credit for taking good care of me, ensuring I get my meals, and taking care of the chores in the house. But when it comes to getting the baby to sleep, dealing with his crankiness and fussiness, it definitely wasnt P's forte. Strangely enough, I havent felt this loved by my husband. Not once, he gave me encouraging words and numerous pats on the shoulder telling me how proud he is of me, how sorry he is that I have to go through these, etc. We are both new parents but when it comes to taking care of the young man the division of duties was clear. Only then you realise that gender equality is bullshit. Equity can be strived for but never equality. There are some things that are meant for Mamas to do, that we are to assume the duties because we are created for them.

Utt is turning 2 month in a couple of days. As much as I wish he will be sitting, crawling and walking soon (and me getting back my uninterrupted sleep), the past 2 months zoomed by pretty amazingly. The little man is now making noises almost like he is responding to us, smiling and at times laughing when he is in good mood and is developing motor skills (using his hands for comfort sucking, grabbing the bottle and Mama's boobies).

Alot of things have changed and will never be the same again but I am glad that P is in it, Utt is in it and we are growing together as a family. And only in tough times do you realise how much love you have around you

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At the breastfeeding crossroad

No one ever mentioned how difficult this is going to be. For the past 6 weeks, I have been trying to breastfeed exclusively without supplementing and hoping that supply will eventually meet demand, even that meaning having cat naps and very brief intermittent sleep at night (at times an hour of sleep followed by an hour or two of breastfeeding, burping and coaxing the little man to sleep). The ultimatum came when my boy experienced hours of frustration in the evenings, often latching and unlatching at Mama's boobies, arching his body and showing signs of discomfort. And for the whole time, usually ranging from 3-4 hours, Mama will be having him at her boobies for sessions of what I have jokingly called the Feeding Marathon. At my 6 week check up, the doctor suggested that the boy might be starving (even though he's gaining weight and is at a whopping 5.5kg, l obviously have a big eater under my roof). And so, she suggested supplementing for Mama to get some good rest cos the stress and tiredness is showing in the declining supply. I came home that day feeling lost and a little blue. I havent been an extreme big fan of breastfeeding, but was nonetheless guilt stricken when looking at little man's face while breastfeeding thinking to myself how soon this is going to end and how much I actually hated getting strapped to the sofa half of the time. He is obviously enjoying the comfort, not just the food and Mama is getting frustrated and tired by the frequency although looking down into Utt's eyes when he is happily drinking it up is priceless.

So we came home and supplemented 2 feeds with FM, hoping that the boy will be happier with a satisfied stomach. I am not sure if it is going to make any difference for me now since giving FM involves work which P has happily taken on, ie preparing the bottle, cleaning and sterilising them but the feeding has been a struggle and requires quite a bit of coaxing.

I am not denying it that I am very drained. In fact my life has not been tougher than this. Now, I am looking forward to walking down the park with little man, taking him on trips, having ice cream, going for swims, etc. I am sure this day will come soon enough. I just have to hang in there

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Utt coming 6 weeks old

This is taken this morning, a day before Utt turns 6 weeks old. As the little man continues to gain weight, Papa tried to help relief stress off my wrist with a self made sling using bedsheet cover. Epic failure as Utt can barely fit into it.

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Post confinement relief

I think confinement after delivery is total crap. I realized today, my first unconfined day post delivery that confinement is probably the culprit for post natal blues. Being trapped at home is probably the worst way to begin motherhood and I cannot understand the logic behind this Chinese practice. Anyway, I am glad to have survived the past month! Today, we finally went shopping with Utt in my arms and had my first sashimi feast in 10 months with little man sat beside us in a stroller.

True motherhood has begun!

4 weeks of being a Mama

Sometimes you get so overwhelmed by the new responsibilities. Today, I stopped and looked at Utt and realized that despite the great changes in our lives since his arrival, he has slowly bought me over.

I can't wait for him to grow and then play, enjoy the sun and go on outings with us.